Why Forgive?
Homily on “Why Forgive?” based on the Gospel of Matthew 18:21-35:
One of the most difficult things to do in life is to forgive. And the deeper the hurt, the harder forgiveness becomes. A wound caused by a stranger may heal quickly; but a wound or hurt caused by someone we love hurts much deeper and can remain for years
In the Gospel reading, Peter asked Jesus: “How often must I forgive?” Peter thought seven times would surely be enough and even generously more than enough.
Jesus responded to Peter’s question: “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – a symbolic expression - meaning - Jesus is not asking us for more number of forgiveness. Jesus is telling us to stop counting the number of times we forgive.
Suppose Jesus answered: “a thousand times”. Try to imagine a newly married couple agreeing that in the years ahead they would forgive each other a thousand times and no more. Wouldn’t that be silly.
Peter asked the wrong question because he did not understand the nature and meaning of forgiveness.
The real question is not: “How many times must we forgive?”, but the right question is: “Why should we forgive at all?”. Why should we forgive even one time. If we can understand the nature of forgiveness in the first place, then we can apply it in every situation throughout all of life.
You see - in life, in order to get the right answers, first of all, it is necessary to ask the right questions… so that we do not miss out on life.
We live in a world where human failure is a fact of life – people make mistakes – at times, people just don’t get it – they do not know any better - even those whom we think should have known better.
Try to imagine what this world would be without forgiveness.
The fact is - None of us can live or do anything with another person – starting with our family - for very long without it becoming necessary for one of us to forgive the other. We all make mistakes… that is our fallen broken human nature.
All of us are sinners, even the ones we perceive to be good people. That leaves God two choices: God can either destroy us or God can redeem us. Human nature being what human nature is, fallen broken nature - there is no other way for God to relate to us and work with us… except with mercy.
We are all sinners, enslaved by sin and we cannot redeem or save ourselves and so we need a Savior. So, God has stepped in and wiped the slate clean, so to speak, by becoming one of us – God entered humanity – in the person of His Son Jesus Christ . God has forgiven us. Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord. (Romans 8:39)
Now, in turn – we are all called to do for one another what God has done and continues to do for us. Just as we have been forgiven, so must we forgive. We will always need forgiving, and we will always need to forgive. Forgiveness is a fact of life.
Just think again - How could a married couple succeed in their marriage without a willingness to forgive and be forgiven? It would be impossible.
How could a father and mother raise children without forgiveness. The answer is simple and absolute – they could not. All human relationships would be virtually impossible without forgiveness… without the healing touch of forgiveness.
Why should we forgive at all?
First, we should forgive because we need forgiving. As we pray in the Our Father as the Lord has taught us – Jesus included “forgive us as we forgive those who sinned against us…” We are actually asking God to measure his forgiveness of us according to the forgiveness we extend to others… that should make you think.
As much as we have been forgiven in the past and as much as we will need forgiving in the future, we have no right to place a limit on our forgiveness of others.
Perhaps this is the most frightening possibility in Christian life – that we have received mercy but has not allowed mercy to transform us.
We can receive God's forgiveness sacramentally without allowing that forgiveness to change the way we treat others. We can come to confession and receive absolution, pray the Our Father, receive holy communion and still carry someone in our heart whom we refuse to forgive… So, ask yourself – Are you that person? - quite frightening possibility for those who claim to be Christians… who come to Mass every day.
The problem is: when we come before God for our sins, we ask for Mercy but when it comes to other people’s sins or faults against us, we demand justice.
When we sin, we want all circumstances to be considered to justify our behavior. When another person sins, we want the rules strictly applied.
When we make a mistake, we want understanding – we want other people to try to understand us... where we are coming from.
When another person makes a mistake, we want strict accountability. That is double standard and the gospel reading exposes this double standard… when the servant refused to forgive his fellow servant.
We do not forgive because the other person necessarily deserves it. We forgive because we ourselves have received undeserved countless mercy… ongoing mercy.
Did you notice that when you go to confession, you confess the same sins over and over again… unless you do not go to confession anymore because you think you do not have sin to confess… that is worse.
St. Paul says that Christ died for us while we still were sinners. As Christians, we begin not with the question, "What has my neighbor done to me and how badly?" But we begin with the question, "How much has God forgiven me?" … how often God has forgiven me?”
Admittedly – all these are much easier said than done. On our own, it is impossible… but by the grace of God – everything is possible. Lord, help us.
Secondly - We should forgive because if we do not forgive, it will hurt us more than anyone. Not to forgive is like an infection – in the soul – spreading poison through the entire life. Sometimes we think that by refusing to forgive, we are punishing the person who hurt us – not true really. But often the people who hurt us are not even thinking about the incident anymore – even sound asleep but we are still carrying it and losing some sleep.
As has been said: Refusing to forgive - is like we drinking the poison while hoping that the other person will die. The person who refuses to forgive inevitably becomes bitter, sour, self-absorbed, self-centered, sad.
There is a huge profound difference between remembering an injury and remaining imprisoned by an injury. Forgiving is not forgetting the hurt but refusing to let the hurt control our lives.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened… that sin does not matter anymore. It does not mean calling evil good. It does not mean permitting abuse to continue. But forgiveness means I refuse to allow what you did to me to determine who I will become. Forgiveness is about accepting to love as one is… to love as we are.
Meaning - God is LOVE, God is Mercy Himself. God created us in His image and likeness and so our very nature is to love… to be merciful.
I will close with this story I shared before which you might have heard but it is very fitting and one of my favorite stories:
There was this man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him.
The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again. Another guy nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept
stinging him. But the man said:
"It is the nature of the scorpion to sting.
It is my nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?"
Meaning –
Do not give up loving.
Do not give up forgiving.
Do not give up your goodness.
Even if the people around you – or you live with - sting.
We are loved by God with Mercy, and so we are called to be instruments of God’s mercy and love, so that God can love others with mercy through you and through me.
God bless…
